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I have been trying to figure out how to put into words my feelings about being laid off from American express after 20 years of service. Oh, and did I mention that American Express just relocated me to Phoenix n Sept 08?
I had to actually step back and look at the whole picture and truthfully put things in perspective. I am grateful. Over the last few years I have had something growing inside telling me to:
...move in a different direction
...be true to yourself
...run towards your passion.
...make a difference
...contribute to the welfare of others
My heart knew putting the numbers in Column A from Column B did not matter anymore. I was either too comfortable, too lazy or too scared to do anything about it.
Being laid off is how God is working for me. He has cleared out all the things that were not working for me and now I have room too rebuild. I can decide exactly what I want my life to look like and I will make it happen.
Would anyone notice if I disappeared?
Over the last couple of years things have not really gone as I envisioned. It’s not one particular event or person but a permutation of everything that has happened (or hasn’t).
I come back to the same thought of what I have done with the life that I was given.
In one of my favorite films (Shirley Valentine), Shirley says, "it is such a short life and wonders why we are given all these feelings if they just go unused".
In Phoenix and things are changing for the better. Funny how a change in loction can make such a huge difference. I can make different choices and be true to myself. I wrote this tonight.
THAT AFTERNOON
I left that afternoon
As he faded from sight
Wonder if I might ever see him again
I try to understand the things that I feel
Better keep your distance
This life
A series of beginnings and ends
So unexpected
I looked in your eyes
Felt the warmth of your touch
Your breath on my neck
You crowded my heart.
My heart
So fragile
A thousand roads it has known
But I know I am lucky
I shouldn’t be here at all
Most days I walk to that edge
Your hand reaches for me
Before I can fall.
Daniel E Andrews
A simple reminder of how fortunate we are…although we live in a country that is not perfect, we are not living like this.
The vulture appears to be waiting to eat the starving child. According to Wikipedia -- see the link -- the photographer had been "warned never to touch famine victims for fear of disease." But contrary to the story Luke sent with the photo, Carter's obituary on the web says the girl, "resumed her trek to the feeding centre. [Carter] chased away the vulture."
After the New York Times published the picture, it garnered Carter the Pulitzer Prize for Feature Photography:
"I swear I got the most applause of anybody," Carter wrote back to his parents in Johannesburg. "I can't wait to show you the trophy. It is the most precious thing, and the highest acknowledgment of my work I could receive."
Carter was feted at some of the most fashionable spots in New York City. Restaurant patrons, overhearing his claim to fame, would come up and ask for his autograph.
It seems that Scott MacLeod, Time's Johannesburg bureau chief, wrote that. Then in the same article, on paragraphs later, we asks, "How could a man who had moved so many people with his work end up a suicide so soon after his great triumph?" MacLeod says it was basically drugs and bleeding heartedness.
Another writer, Charles Paul Freund, sets the context of the picture this way:
Carter, a white South African, spent only a couple of days in Sudan. According to Susan D Moeller, who tells Carter's story in Compassion Fatigue: How the Media Sell Disease, Famine, War and Death, he had gone into the bush seeking relief from the terrible starvation and suffering he was documenting, when he encountered the emaciated girl. When he saw the vulture land, Carter waited quietly, hoping the bird would spread its wings and give him an even more dramatic image. It didn't, and he eventually chased the bird away. The girl gathered her strength and resumed her journey toward a feeding centre. Afterward, writes Moeller, Carter "sat by a tree, talked to God, cried, and thought about his own daughter, Megan."
(Source still http://flatrock.org.nz/topics/odds_and_oddities/ultimate_in_unfair.htm)
That Carter one day saw himself in situations like that one, maybe multiple times, "Waiting quietly hoping to get a better shot," could never explain his suicide.
This was found in Kevin Carter's diary.
I hope this picture will always serve as a reminder to us that how fortunate we are and that we must never ever take things for granted.
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Well, I just received notification that I the "Editor's Choice Award" from poetry.com and the International Library of Poetry, which means basically I will be sent harassing emails until I buy the book and CD set they are selling that will include my poem... so I did.
The poem is one in a series of three showing my emotional evolution over the past three years where I was in a dark place and slowly coming back to the light. I think Valerie Bertanelli should play me in the Lifetime movie. Anyway, i hope you enjoy.
Turning Inward, Moving Forward?
All the sudden I went away.
I hope I come back around someday.
I haven't seen me in a real long time.
Can I get some kind of sign.
I looked around I was gone.
I feel like there must be something wrong.
'Cause it seems like I disappeared.
I am a little scared.
Something has been bothering me.
I wish I'd give me a little sign.
I have something I want to say.
Just want to tell me I'm okay.
'Cause I lost myself...
Took off without a word.
I'm sleeping through the night...I don't.
I want someone to hang out with...I don't.
I want someone to hold me tight...I can't.
I want someone to hug and kiss me...I can't.
not right now.
Is there anything I can do?
I need to hear from me
Daniel E Andrews
Copyright ©2008 Daniel E Andrews
The above picture is my friend Steve spinning fire. The event happens on the first Friday of every month. It is kind of like Greensboro's Friday at 5 with a twist. First Friday is an Art Walk that is held in downtown Phoenix. There are different activites such which include art galleries opening up for tours and different performance art events.
The location that Steve took me too had folks spinning fire and there was a drum circle. It was so freakin' cool. I know I was supposed to be a hippie.
Here is a link to more pictures of First Friday.
NATIVE AMERICAN PRAYER I give you this one thought to keep I am with you still~I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not think of me as gone~~ I am with you still~~in each new dawn.
Imagine you are standing on a
small stage in the middle of an arena filled with over 20,000 teachers,
staff and administrators, and you are the keynote speaker for the
back-to-school convocation of the Dallas Independent School District.
How do you feel? Oh, and there's one more thing, you are ten years old!
